“Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.And it always feels good.”

“How come when you're feeling good like this, something always happens to wreck it all? How come?”

“Did you know that chocolate had special chemicals in it to make you feel happy?""I don't need an excuse for chocolate.”

“Doing good doesn't always make you feel good. I don't care what they tell you in church.”

“I'm not even out the door yet and you've already replaced me? Vicious. And for the record, I don't have an inability to say no to guys. I have an inability to grasp the moral ramifications of premarital sex. Lots and lots of premarital sex.”

“It's my experience that you first feel the impulse to write in your chest. It's like falling in love, only more so. It feels like something criminal. It feels like unspeakably wild sex. So, think: When you feel the overpowering need to go out and find some unspeakably wild sex, do you rush to tell your mom about it?”