“If she’d spun on her heel and left the room, Jack would have laughed at her retreat. And if she’d stayed, staring him down and trying to shame him into leaving, they’d probably still be standing there.”

“And she loved a man who was made out of nothing. A few hours without him and right away she’d be missing him with her whole body, sitting in her office surrounded by polyethylene and concrete and thinking of him. And every time she’d boil water for coffee in her ground-floor office, she’d let the steam cover her face, imagining it was him stroking her cheeks, her eyelids and she’d wait for the day to be over, so she could go to her apartment building, climb the flight of stairs, turn the key in the door, and find him waiting for her, naked and still between the sheets of her empty bed.”

“As he’d slept one night, suffering from some nightmare, she’d gazed down at him with tenderness. Her chest had ached with feeling for him—as his continued to do for her. She’d smoothed hair from his brow, soothing him with soft words.”

“But she’d spared him. She’d used all her deadly skills to save him instead. She’d spit on the memory of David and her baby to give Beckett a get-out-of-jail-free card.She surveyed her work in the Hummer’s headlights. Perfect. She’d done it so many times now it was second nature. Now I’m just a murderer, not an avenger. I’m just like him.”

“Touch? Other guys? He knew she’d have to, but to hear her say it, to know she’d tried… A terriblepressure condensed in his chest cavity and his skull, and then he heard some sort of monster in the room—”

“She’d already decided to be with him. If only to wipe him from her mind, get him out of her system andstop the fantasies plaguing her. If only to prove to herself that being with him would not be pleasurable forher.”