“Dad at breakfast today being very quiet. I notice he is clean shaven. I said to him, 'Vati, what has happened to the little beaver that used to live on the end of your chin?”

“Dad has brought me a cup of tea in bed this morning! I said, 'Vati, why are you waking me up in the middle of the night? Are you on fire?”

“I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird. Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe!”

“Do you miss your dad?" And I said: "Who?”

“Watching TV Mum said, 'Do you miss your dad?' and I said, 'Who?”

“When Mutti and Vati came in I didn't speak to them. I just unfurled the CAT MOLESTERS banner I had made.”

“Hello, my sister, Libby, also your daughter, is snogging a potato in my bed. What are you going to do about it?' Dad started yelling uncontrollably. I wonder if he is having the male menopause? If he starts growing breasts, I will definitely be running away with the circus.”