“How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?”

“Tom is back on a flight at 6:15 P.M. That is 6:15. Do you get it? Not 6:00 P.M. but 6:15 P.M. And do you know how many minutes that is? I do. I have also become a Time Lord.”

“Everyone is so bloody keen on me thinking all of a sudden. It's not what I do.”

“BiologyThe film turns out to be about bees. It is a film about a bee center. How crap is this going to be? An hour laterThat was the best thing I have seen for ages. We made Miss Wilson rewind the bit where the two queens were having a bitch fight.”

“When we did eventually get to the party - me walking next to Dad's Volvo driving at five miles an hour - I had a horrible time. Everyone laughed at first but then more or less ignored me. In a mood of defiant stuffed oliveness I did have a dance by myself but things kept crashing to the floor around me. The host asked if I would sit down. I had a go at that but it was useless. In the end I was at the gate for about an hour before Dad arrived.”

“Everyone is so obsessed with themselves nowadays that they have no time for me.”

“I‘ve said it once and I will say it again, why can‘t everyone just speak English? The Americans give it a bit of a go — why can‘t other nations?”