“Nippy Noodles”

“You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick.”

“There he is, tall, tanned, Italian, sophisticated. So what do you do?"I said, "Er, leap on him and snog him within an inch of his life? Taking care not to strangle myself on his false beard, or disturb his banana.”

“Tom is back on a flight at 6:15 P.M. That is 6:15. Do you get it? Not 6:00 P.M. but 6:15 P.M. And do you know how many minutes that is? I do. I have also become a Time Lord.”

“Gingee, Gingee, it's meeeeeeeeeeee!!!'I could hear her panting up the stairs to my room. She kicked open my bedroom door and ran from the door and leapt onto the bed, covering me with kisses.'I LOBE you, my big big sister.'I couldn't get her off me.'Libby, just let me...''Kissy kissy kiss, snoggy snog.''That's enough, now let me...''Mmmmmm, groovy baby.'What is she talking about? She is supposed to be in kindergarten to learn how to grow up, not turn into an even madder person. Then she stood up on the bed and starting thrusting her hips out and singing her favorite:'Sex bum sex bum I am a sex bum.'Quite spectacularly mad.”

“I put my arm around her and said, "Jas, I have found that when you are troubled, it is often better to think of others rather than yourself. I think you would feel much better if you got me some milky coffee and jammy dodgers and I told you all about me.”

“I've never had anyone say they love me before. Libby lobes me, that is true, but there is something a bit menacing about the way she says it.”