“Leila. Schoolgirls are like sports cars. They're nice to look at, but they're impractical. In the end, they don't do what you need them to do."I had to stifle my smile, he looked so serious. Then I stole a glance back at the lithe-limbed shadows beneath the tress. "Is that so?""It's true. They won't let you take them up the arse. They're rubbish at sucking you. You want to ride them at a hundred miles a hour, but you end up doing forty in the sixty zone because you're too fucking scared of damaging them.”

“Peppermint Patty's team is short a glove, so I'm walking over to lend them mine.""You're kidding! Don't you think they're taking advantage of you?""No, I'm doing it because I want to do it.""What are you, some kind of mystic?!”

“Do you ever do that thing where you lie in bed and you can't sleep so you end up writing out recent conversation you've had? So they look like a play?'Well you should. It's fun. I keep them. Look through them, sometimes.”

“Pears can just fuck off too. 'Cause they're gorgeous little beasts, but they're ripe for half an hour, and you're never there. They're like a rock or they're mush. In the supermarket, people banging in nails. "I'll just put these shelves up, mate, then you can have the pear." … So you think, "I'll take them home and they'll ripen up." But you put them in the bowl at home, and they sit there, going, "No! No! Don't ripen yet, don't ripen yet. Wait til he goes out the room! Ripen! Now now now!”

“Do you like Mother and Father?" "they're both all right""they're not Jimmy, and you shouldn't say so. I hate them, and you should hate them.""all right" I said, "I hate them.”

“Good kitty""Why do you encourage them?""They're good kitties.""They're your minions.""Everyone needs a minion or two""You won't be so pleased when you find me ground up in their food bowl one day.”