“Ah-ha! I knew it! Penis problems”“Well, it seems that the cause of some of my problems happens to have a penis. Well, two actually,”“Oh sweet Mary! You’re dating a guy with two dicks?”“Ginger, no! It’s about two different guys.”“Oh,” she says, obviously disappointed. “Damn. That woulda been kinda cool.”

“And most of the wreckage revolves around two guys. Two guys that, for totally different reasons, are tearing me up inside. Two guys I want. Two guys I can’t have. Two guys I can’t stop thinking about.”

“uh-huh. this sounds like penis problems.”

“In the meantime, get those penis problems fixed. Every hen house needs a cock, but only the special hens can handle more than one. Try 'em out then pick one and stick with it. You're not old enough to play with two toys at the same time. That's cougar territory.”

“I bet he's an actual good guy. The kind that I desperately need in my life. The thing of it is, he'll never be mine because he's a good guy. By nature alone, a good guy would never cheat on his girlfriend, hence the impossibility of anything happening between Nash and me. Even if they were to break up, he'd probably be too nice a guy to hurt her like that, by dating her cousin.”

“Well, you’re just gonna have to cool your jets. My dad will be up soon and I may not have mentioned that he’s a crack shot with a pistol.”“In that case, how about breakfast instead?”I giggle. “Wise choice, braveheart.”“Don’t tease. How much good would I be to you if I let your dad blow my dick off?”

“Believe me, Nash, I can do what any of the other girls can do, no problem.”Well, that might not be entirely true. But I’ll be damned if I’ll ever admit it!”