“Ah-ha! I knew it! Penis problems”“Well, it seems that the cause of some of my problems happens to have a penis. Well, two actually,”“Oh sweet Mary! You’re dating a guy with two dicks?”“Ginger, no! It’s about two different guys.”“Oh,” she says, obviously disappointed. “Damn. That woulda been kinda cool.”

“And most of the wreckage revolves around two guys. Two guys that, for totally different reasons, are tearing me up inside. Two guys I want. Two guys I can’t have. Two guys I can’t stop thinking about.”

“Because', she said, 'your problems are not real problems. You're dating two beautiful girls at once. Think about it. That's like...having rock-star problems.''Having rock-star problems may be the closest I ever get to being an actual rock star.”

“...And Brick and I say in unison, “As long as I’m here.”This is a guy thing.You never want to acknowledge that you and another guy had exactly the same thought in exactly the same words and that you spoke them aloud . . .at exactly the same time. If you’re out on a date and this happens, this is a good thing. It’s evidence that you and your date think alike, you’re in sync, possibly even soul mates, and with some luck, you might get laid. When this occurs with two guys, it’s simply freaky and should go by as if it never happened.”

“You're bored?" she says incredulously. "You have two hands and a penis. This shouldn't be a difficult equation.”

“Well, here we are at the passage. Two steps, Jane, take care of the two steps. Oh! no, there is but one. Well, I was persuaded there were two. How very odd! I was convinced there were two, and there is but one.”