“I hated this. I hated knowing what I wanted and knowing what was right and knowing they weren't the same thing.”

“Of course he was a part of what I hated about myself. Everything was a part of what I hated about myself. It wasn't really personal.”

“I didn't understand how someone could be both God and the devil. How the same person could destroy you and save you. When everything I was, good and bad, was knotted with threads of his making, how was I supposed to know whether to love or hate him?”

“I hated it. I hated this. I hated feeling so terrible because of someone else.”

“I didn’t know how I could live with that knowledge, without it eating me up, without it poisoning every happy memory I had of growing up. Without it ruining everything Beck and I had.I didn’t understand how someone could be both God and the devil. How the same person could destroy you and save you. When everything I was, good and bad, was knotted with threads of his making, how was I supposed to know whether to love or hate him?”

“I don't know if I'd want to be comforted, if I'm being honest. If I'm being forced to eat soot, I want to know that somewhere else in the world, someone else has to eat soot as well. I want to know that soot tastes terrible. I don't want to be told that soot's good for the digestion. And of course, by soot, I mean beans.”

“Knowing what Iwas, and wanting me, anyway.”