“How, unless you drink as I do, could you hope to understand the beauty of an old Indian woman playing dominoes with a chicken?”

“Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.'Ellen: 'No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.”

“A second floor window opened, and Kyle stuck his head and shoulders out so he could look down at us. “If you two are finished playing Cowboy and Indian out there, some of us would like to get their beauty sleep.”I looked at Warren. “You heard ‘um Kemo Sabe. Me go to my little wigwam and get ‘um shut-eye.”“How come you always get to play the Indian?” whined Warren, deadpan.“Cause she’s the Indian, white boy,” said Kyle.”

“Do not pick up the pen unless you understand how heavy it is, and how long you may carry it for.”

“How do you know it's true if you don't believe in it?""I...huh?""How can you understand something you don't believe in?""Shin, that doesn't make any sense. That's like saying you can't understand leprechauns unless you believe in them.""Do you understand leprechauns?""I don't believe in them.""There you go.”

“But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to really play the piano / act / paint / write a decent play?" Yes . . . the same age you will be if you don't.”