“If your not annoying somebody, you're not alive.”
“There's a gift in your lap and it's beautifully wrapped and it's not your birthday. You feel wonderful, you feel like somebody knows you're alive, you feel fear because it could be a bomb, because you think you're that important.”
“If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing.”
“You're not dead. You're too goddamn annoying to be dead.”
“A friend is somebody who says the same things to your face that they would say if you're not in the room.”
“Here is a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: If you're alive it isn't.”