“You should have to pass an IQ test before you breed. You have to take a driving test to operate vehicles and an SAT test to get into college. So why don’t you have to take some sort of test before you give birth to children? When I am President, that’s the first rule I will institute.”

“...motherhood should be like driving a car -- you should have to pass a test before you can do it legally.”

“I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100.”

“She drew in a breath. “So I havethis thing I do before sex. A test. An ‘Is He Inhaler Worthy?’test.”He just stared at her. “There’s a test. Before sex.”“Yes. And I should tell you, not many pass.”“Chloe?”“Yeah?”“I’d be worth the inhaler,” he said, then forced himself to walk away into the night.”

“I suspect the I.Q., SAT, and school grades are tests designed by nerds so they can get high scores in order to call each other intelligent...Smart and wise people who score low on IQ tests, or patently intellectually defective ones, like the former U.S. president George W. Bush, who score high on them (130), are testing the test and not the reverse.”

“Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers! Calvin: I just don't test well.”