“...I couldn't let go of the thought that it had, in fact, been he, restless and moody Heathcliff. Day after day, he floated through all the Wal-Marts in America, searching for me in a million lonely aisles.”

“America does not want change, except from the cash register at Wal-Mart.”

“The onset of adulthood is an organic, creeping process. No one wakes up one day and decides, "Lo, on this day I shall forever put away childish things and begin clipping coupons to go to Wal-Mart.”

“Jeff: You know, you don't have to do this.Walter: Yeah, I could get a real job.Jeff: What would you do?Walter: I wanna be a greeter at Wal-Mart.Walter: What the hell's so funny?Jeff: At Wal-Mart, what would be your opening line?Walter: Oh.Walter: Welcome to Wal-Mart. Get your shit and get out!Walter: Have a nice day!”

“After all that I'd been through, after all that I'd learned and all that I'd been given, I was going to do what I had been doing every day for the last few years now: just show up and do the best that I could do with whatever lay in front of me.”

“The fact that these kits [vampire protection] were generally useless didn’t bother me nearly as much as the idea of holy water being sold at Wal-Mart.”