“Any of those priests even sniff at you wrong, you fuck them over until they see Jesus.”

“He was a hot, hot former priest and she wanted to pull a Thorn Birds on his ass.”

“Kidnappings, magic, long-lost love of my life. Nothing to rock the boat. All in a day’s work.”“Of course,” he said dryly. “Which is why you’re calling me in the middle of the night while I’m on myhoneymoon.”“Man, you’ve been married three months. The honeymoon is over. ““Not until we leave Russia,” Artur said. “And never even after that.”Which was like hearing the Incredible Hulk start talking like Gandhi.”

“Jesus, Dean. I don’t know why you have me around with her watching your back”“You’re just jealous. But don’t worry. One day you too will have your very own little Amazon.”“I’ll just settle for a woman.”“If you’re lonely, you can have the inflatable sex doll Blue gave me for my birthday. I don’t want the twoof you to miss out on an opportunity for love.”“You didn’t like her?”“I wasn’t man enough to satisfy her cravings. I’m sure you’ll be different.”

“How’s his appendix?”“Like crap. They almost didn’t catch it in time, and he’s still doing the ass-plant in a hospital bed, beingdoted on by an army of hot nurses. Makes me sick.”“Maybeyou should rupture something.”“Any more of these stories out of you and I just might. ”

“So what’s all the fuss?” he asked instead. “Where’s all the shit coming from?”Dean told him. He tried to make it concise, using flash words such as “fire” and “conspiracy” and “bigfreakin’ shape-shifter,” and told Roland, too, about Miri and Robert and Kevin. The red jade.“You’re both fucked,” Roland said. “Seriously. I’ll start arranging the funeral now.”“I want a happy boss. Where’s the positive reinforcement?”“Buried with Pollyanna in my backyard. Which is where you’ll be if you don’t play your cards right.”

“Nothing so bad you need to be cruel. Tough, yes. You’ll have to kill, yes. But there’s a difference in the heart. One makes you mean. The other keeps you going.”