“So what’s all the fuss?” he asked instead. “Where’s all the shit coming from?”Dean told him. He tried to make it concise, using flash words such as “fire” and “conspiracy” and “bigfreakin’ shape-shifter,” and told Roland, too, about Miri and Robert and Kevin. The red jade.“You’re both fucked,” Roland said. “Seriously. I’ll start arranging the funeral now.”“I want a happy boss. Where’s the positive reinforcement?”“Buried with Pollyanna in my backyard. Which is where you’ll be if you don’t play your cards right.”

“What’s that mean?” Eddie asked. “I hate it when you start up with your Zen Buddhist shit, Roland.” “It means I don’t know,” Roland said. “Who is this man Zen Buddhist? Is he wise like me?” Eddie looked at Roland for a long, long time before deciding the gunslinger was making one of his rare jokes. “Ah, get outta here...”

“No," I replied testily. "I'm pretty sure 'digital' is Latin for 'fingeral,' so finger cancer equals digital cancer. This is all basic anatomy, Dr. Roland." The Dr. Roland told me that he thought I was overreacting, and the "fingeral" wasn't even a real word. Then I told him that I though he was underreacting, probably because he's embarrassed that he doesn't know how Latin works. Then he claimed that "underrecating" isn't a word either. The man has a terrible bedside manner.”

“This one guy Roland was so weird that during sex his voice altered—as if he were a fucking alien—and he started talking like a baby in a bizarre high-pitched voice. He’d start screaming shit like, “I just want to fuck my baby! I’m your baby! Will you be my baby? Baby? Baby?” For one thing, he couldn’t decide whether he was the baby or the daddy. Make up your mind, freak. I had to force myself out from under him and flee the apartment undressed, clutching my clothes.”

“I think it’s sad that we’ll never know her,” Chase said. She glanced over at him suspiciously. “Think of how many people there are in the world that you’ll never know. Like that guy right there,” he said, nodding toward the car that whizzed by them. “What’s that guy’s name? Where’s he going? Is he happy with his life? Did he want Bella to end up with Edward or Jacob?”

“I told him that my cat was on fire and he didn’t even hear me! On fire, Victoria! And he didn’t care!”“Aud, that is so fucking twisted that I don’t even know where to start.”“Okay, I know, but it had to be drastic.”“That’s not drastic, that’s sadistic. You’ve got your –tics mixed up.”“Will you please focus on the issue at hand? Evan doesn’t listen to what I’m saying!”“And this is news?”“Should I break up with him?”“Do you want to break up with him?”“I don’t know. Distract me from feeling miserable.”“Umm… ummm… I got new shoes.”“Woo.”“Wanna come over and try them on?”“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”