“In Charleston, temperance is a four letter word.”

“Charleston is not the center of the universe, but it should be. That is the persistent perception of many locals.”

“During the settling of the American colonies, it was said that the Spaniards would first build a church, the Dutch would first build a fort and the English a tavern. Welcome to Charleston, an English colony founded in 1670.”

“The main difference between a lawyer and a prostitute is that a prostitute won't screw you after you're dead.”

“the city is full of three types of people, the first being soldiers, the other classes are politicians and prostitutes, both very numerous, and about equal in honesty and morality.”

“You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.”

“Not ugly for someone her age, but what she's doing with those numbers and letters seem unholy.”