“What I tell you three times is true. What I tell you three million times is civilization.”

“Well, I got my hand. What more does a man need?”“Yes, and you’ve used that hand three-thousand times since you took over the ship.”[David to Miranda]”

“There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.”

“I can tell you I love you as many times as you can stand to hear it, but all it does is remind us that love is not enough. Not even close.”

“When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.”

“It's the height of bad manners to sleep with somebody less than three times.”

“Usually people look at you when they're talking to you. I know that they're working out what I'm thinking, but I can't tell what they're thinking. It is like being in a room with a one-way mirror in a spy film.”