“A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.”

“There's one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he's crooked.”

“Man is a marvelous curiosity … he thinks he is the Creator’s pet … he even believes the Creator loves him; has a passion for him; sits up nights to admire him; yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks He listens. Isn't it a quaint idea?”

“What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.”

“The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.”

“The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.”

“All I care to know about a man is that he is a human being... he can't be any worse.”