“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”

“Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, & those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink.”

“A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.”

“I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.”

“You can't throw too much style into a miracle.”

“I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.”

“I don't like to commit myself about Heaven and Hell, you see, I have friends in both places.”