“Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.”

“What's the use you learning to do right when it's troublesome to do right and ain't no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?”

“When in doubt tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends.”

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”

“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”

“It would ’a’ been a miserable business to have any unfriendliness on the raft; for what you want, above all things, on a raft, is for everybody to be satisfied, and feel right and kind towards the others.”

“The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.”