“Are you an American? No, I am not an American. I am the American.”

“There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress.”

“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”

“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.”

“To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct.”

“His hair was short and parted accurately in the middle, and he had all the look of an American person who would be likely to begin his signature with an initial, and spell his middle name out.”

“I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.”