“for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.”

“Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.”

“Customs do not concern themselves with right or wrong or reason. But they have to be obeyed; one reasons all around them until he is tired, but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.”

“A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.”

“I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.”

“I like criticism, but it must be my way.”

“I think the Cincinnati Enquirer must be edited by children.”