“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”

“I wonder if God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.”

“Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.”

“Are you an American? No, I am not an American. I am the American.”

“His hair was short and parted accurately in the middle, and he had all the look of an American person who would be likely to begin his signature with an initial, and spell his middle name out.”

“If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.”

“I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with a blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.”