“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain”

“Do not bring your dog. (advice for attending a funeral)”

“I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.”

“I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.”

“I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”