“In discarding the monkey and substituting man, our Father in Heaven did the monkey an undeserved injustice.”

“What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.”

“I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. I believe that whenever a human being, of even the highest intelligence and culture, delivers an opinion upon a matter apart from his particular and especial line of interest, training and experience, it will always be an opinion of so foolish and so valueless a sort that it can be depended upon to suggest our Heavenly Father that the human being is another disappointment and that he is no considerable improvement upon the monkey.”

“We see the man when we look at the monkey; we see the monkey when we look at the man!”

“Probably the difference between man and the monkeys is that the monkeys are merely bored, while man has boredom plus imagination.”

“If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?”