“Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”

“Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”

“In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.”

“Man - a figment of God's imagination.”

“I wonder if God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.”

“I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.”

“Being made merely in the image of God but not otherwise resembling him enough to be mistaken by anybody but a very near sighted person.”