“October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.”

“December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, October, August, and February.”

“Let X equal the quantity of all quantities of X. Let X equal the cold. It is cold in December. The months of cold equal November through February. There are four months of cold, and four of heat, leaving four months of indeterminate temperature. In February it snows. In March the Lake is a lake of ice. In September the students come back and the bookstores are full. Let X equal the month of full bookstores. The number of books approaches infinity as the number of months of cold approaches four. I will never be as cold now as I will in the future. The future of cold is infinite. The future of heat is the future of cold. The bookstores are infinite and so are never full except in September...”

“Pike spawn in February, March, and April because they cannot wait until May.”

“Lots of people go mad in January. Not as many as in May, of course. Nor June. But January is your third most common month for madness.”

“We made love like September swims in August. But that’s natural, because it’s too cold to go swimming in October.”