“October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.”

“December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, October, August, and February.”

“Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.- Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar”

“April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four..”

“Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Who shall say that this is not the golden age of mutual trust, of unlimited reliance upon human promises? That is a peculiar condition of society which enables a whole nation to instantly recognize point and meaning in the familiar newspaper anecdote, which puts into the mouth of a distinguished speculator in lands and mines this remark: 'I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions of dollars.”

“There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.”

“so then I didn't care no more about him, because I don't take no stock in dead people.”