“Principles have no real force except when one is well fed.”

“A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?”

“Well, there are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.”

“I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.”

“I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.”

“I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.”

“I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.”