“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a Republican. But I repeat myself.”

“Some things you can't find out; but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.”

“Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.”

“Man has been here 32,000 years. That it took a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that that is what it was done for. I suppose it is. I dunno. If the Eiffel tower were now representing the world's age, the skin of paint on the pinnacle-knob at its summit would represent man's share of that age; and anybody would perceive that that skin what what the tower was built for. I reckon they would, I dunno.”

“Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”