“Switzerland would me a mighty big place if it were ironed flat.”

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.”

“We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft.”

“A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.”

“I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.”

“Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.”

“One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have believed it. They also believed the world was flat.”