“The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother. I shall always delight to meet an ass after my own heart when I have finished my travels.”

“I'd known him less then forty-eight hours and already I'd seen how he looked when he came, tasted his cooking, and had my ass handed to me playing Dance Dance Revolution, and now I was going to practically be living with him.”

“I was supposed to be meeting someone, but they had to cancel. After I’d already gotten here, of course,” I explain, bitterness dripping from my voice.“Want me to kick his ass?” he asks. I look up at him and he’s grinning at me over the top of his glass.“No. You might be embarrassed when she gets the better of you.”

“I already gave you my ass. I guess you can have my hand too.”

“His father was an ass and he is an ass. I imagine sooner than I should like I shall be playing uncle to a litter of asses.”

“Just don’t stare at my ass, Landemere,” he added.“I wasn’t staring at your ass,” Arranulf, who had been staring at his ass, said.”