“There are times when I would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.”

“Well, there are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.”

“If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.”

“The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.”

“When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.”

“I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me.”

“The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.”