“You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you”

“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.”

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time.”

“You have heretofore found out, by my teachings, that man is a fool; you are now aware that woman is a damned fool.”

“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”

“Man has been here 32,000 years. That it took a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that that is what it was done for. I suppose it is. I dunno. If the Eiffel tower were now representing the world's age, the skin of paint on the pinnacle-knob at its summit would represent man's share of that age; and anybody would perceive that that skin what what the tower was built for. I reckon they would, I dunno.”