“He says that I'm as subtle as a fart at a funeral.”

“I am of a different mind ten times in the course of a day. But I resist the devil, and often it is with a fart that I chase him away. When he tempts me with silly sins I say, 'Devil, yesterday I broke wind too. Have you written it down on your list?”

“Hello. I'm hello, and I'd like to say myself.”

“Well say something, dammit, I'm choking on pretzels!”

“What I'm trying to say, and not doing a very good job at, is...will you ride the river with me?”

“The truth of the matter is rather as Christ says, "He who is not with me is against me." ... He does not say "He who is not with me is not against me either, but merely neutral.”

“Whoever says You does not have something; he has nothing. But he stands in relation.”