“You are in the hands of experts who have researched and perfected a system of corporate ladder climbing that, until recently, no one has dared consider feasible.”

“Based loosely on NASA monkey research, Soviet paranormal studies, chaos theory and the lost experimental writings of Thorstein Veblen, the Faking Smart! Six-Week Program is one of the most advanced six-week programs of its kind.”

“It may not seem this way at first, but your workplace is actually built on a well-ordered system of individuals and groups with defined stations of importance, all interacting to make your company run and appear busy.”

“Just as no one knows why the sun rises every morning, so is Faking Smart! an enigma that has grasped the imagination of tycoons and business scholars from all walks of life and from every corner of this massive sphere we call Earth. 'We don't know why it works,' quotes the FSRI. 'It just does! So, let's leave it at that.”

“In a sense, we here at the FSRI are like giant wizards at the controls of an incredible machine, operating levers and buttons from behind a great tapestry to provide you with the level of motivation and direction necessary for you to succeed!”

“We're not really afraid to die. We're only afraid of being forgotten. We know that we'll be forgotten, and the idea is unbearable, don't you agree? As time passes we become infrequent visitors in the minds of those left behind. The ones who clear out the house & divide up the belongings. Throw away the rubbish. And forget. If we knew that every evening someone lit a candle and sat down to think – thought about is if only for a few seconds – then we could depart this earth in peace. No-one will light a candle for me. Who would do that?”

“If you want to be seen, you have to put yourself out there - it's that simple.”