“I fumble for the return tab and quickly type as I continue my way down the catwalk.Ned help!Thank you, SmartText, for knowing how pressing my need for Ned is at this very moment.”

“Really, for all the poetry in the world on the subject, when you get right down to it, it's mostly just boom! penis vagina.”

“I am having this baby. And I will share the world with him.”

“Stop kicking me! I do not want to pee right now!”

“If you pull some lame-ass 'I'm your father' bullshit, right now, I'm going to lose it.”

“It's all right, dearheart," Dad assures me. "Folder three, scenario four: going into labor during a high-speed chase with extra-terrestrials.”

“Just do your breathing exercises." He leans over the backseat and grabs my hand. "Come on. That's it. Hoo-hoo-hoo, hee-hee-hee. Hoo-hoo-hoo...' 'Keep that up,' I warn him, wincing around another contraction, 'and I'm going to hit you right in your "hoo-hoo”