“It's all right, dearheart," Dad assures me. "Folder three, scenario four: going into labor during a high-speed chase with extra-terrestrials.”

“Really, for all the poetry in the world on the subject, when you get right down to it, it's mostly just boom! penis vagina.”

“If you pull some lame-ass 'I'm your father' bullshit, right now, I'm going to lose it.”

“Stop kicking me! I do not want to pee right now!”

“I fumble for the return tab and quickly type as I continue my way down the catwalk.Ned help!Thank you, SmartText, for knowing how pressing my need for Ned is at this very moment.”

“I am having this baby. And I will share the world with him.”

“Just do your breathing exercises." He leans over the backseat and grabs my hand. "Come on. That's it. Hoo-hoo-hoo, hee-hee-hee. Hoo-hoo-hoo...' 'Keep that up,' I warn him, wincing around another contraction, 'and I'm going to hit you right in your "hoo-hoo”