“Darling, I have a penis. Ergo I have no preferences.”

“I could have gone to medical school, I said. Except for all the math and stuff.”

“I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff.”

“Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't have a life.”

“Honestly. Do guys really think that will fool us? 'Whoa, hi there, John. Gosh, for a second there I thought you were going bald, but I see now that you have a full, lush head of hair. Which grows sideways from left to right in sticky strands. Have I ever been this sexually excited? I think not.”

“He snarled at me. "This isn't over yet, Betsy.""Excellent," I said. "I would also have accepted 'You haven't seen the last of me' and 'You'll regret this'.”

“I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!”