“So you're a vampire?""Yes. But don't be scared. I'm still a nice person.”

“You may stay. But Jessica, please watch what you say and do. Don't look them in the eyes for long. Speak only when spoken to. Yes, sir; yes, ma'am.""Sit up. Arf," I teased."What about her?" Jessica cried, pointing in my general direction. "She's more in need of an etiquette lesson than I am.""Yeah," I said, "but I'm the Queen. With a capital fucking Q. Hey, you're looking me in the eyes for too long! Eric, make her stop!”

“I stared harder. Come on, vampire mojo. Do your thing. "Don't. Kill. Yourself." "Why. Are you. Talking. Like this?”

“He's all right. His hair is cute."Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. " Oh my God, you're in love.""I'm not in love.""'his hair is cute'? You never say anything nice about anyone. Coming from you, cute hair is a mating call."" I talked to the guy for thirty seconds. And then he waved at me while i was in the tank.""Holy fuck, you're getting married, aren't you!"" Will you simmer. I certainly am not.”

“I've been stabbed before. Barely a week ago, in fact. AND I've been audited, AND I come from a broken home. In short - no offense, shorty - you don't scare me.”

“I'm rubber and you're glue," I told Satan, " and everything that bounces of me sticks to you.”

“I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!”