“You wasted $150,000 on an education you coulda got for $1.50 in late fees at the public library.”

“What is your greatest regret?"Not staying in better touch with people who truly mattered to me before they died unexpectedly.”

“No. Look, the mutual tug paid extra.” Dante mimed jerking and squirting without looking embarrassed, which only made Griff more embarrassed. “And thestuff you did at the end bumped our fee even—”“I know, man. Sorry about—”“—more. Bullshit, sorry! Blowing your jazz on me got us a three hundred dollar bonus. Didja know that?” Dante rolled his eyes and waved away the worry.“Dude, if I could get a fee every time you squirted on me, I’d camp under your bed and have you doing it three times a day.”Help me, Jesus.Griff’s eyes honest-to-God bugged at that.”

“Trust this: drinking until you go away from the world only wastes moments of your life. All that time is lost. And time and love are incredibly precious. Yes? Don't waste either.”

“For someone who was educated at Princeton and Harvard Law School, Mrs Obama can also plant garden bulbs without looking as if she is handling nuclear waste.”

“You‘re my best friend. You‘re the only somebody I got.”

“The best of my education has come from the public library... my tuition fee is a bus fare and once in a while, five cents a day for an overdue book. You don't need to know very much to start with, if you know the way to the public library.”