“I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicans for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls.”

“One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert by a guy named Scrunchie!”

“Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring and no one listens to you!— Russ Cargill”

“I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth."Homer Simpson”

“Did you hear something?""No.""Did I hear something?""...I don't know...”

“Well, most grown-ups forget what it was like to be a kid. I vowed that I would never forget.”

“Lisa, I apologize to you, I was wrong, I take it all back. Always be yourself. If you want to be sad, honey, be sad. We’ll ride it out with you. And when you get finished feeling sad, we’ll still be there. From now on, let me do the smiling for both of us.”