“Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same."--Reverend Lovejoy”

“[Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party. [Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested.”

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.”

“I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. ”

“Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No."--Leonard Nimoy”

“But we all had an agreement to let each other get away with everything! That's Capitalism!”

“When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.”