“She wasn't only gay, she was a gay elf.”

“You could wear the same outfit every single day and no guy - who isn't gay - will notice.”

“This wasn't a position she wanted to be in. And yet . . . yet she knew that she was going to do it anyway.”

“I envisioned huge piles of the Elf Hotel flying off the belt, taking down everybody in sight. I had seen pictures of that Elf Hotel - it had sharp candy-cane spires that could easily impale someone. If anyone was ever going to be killed by an Elf Hotel, it would be my parents.”

“Charlotte, dressed in a very short-skirted policewoman's outfit, was leading a dancing brigade, jumping around at the front of the room, her long red hair flapping up and down like a matador's cape. She was head girl, and she would shows us how to party if she had to.I wasn't really sure why Charlotte had decided to come to the party as a stripper. I found myself at a loss for words as she complimented us on our costumes."You're a..." I tried to find the right thing to say. "Really...hot cop?""I'm Amy Pond," she said. "From Doctor Who. This is her kissogram outfit.”

“Even though she had been warned, she tripped over the bike. She probably tripped because she'd been warned and was telling herself not to trip over the bike. She did that sometimes. It was often easier not to know what obstacles were in the way.”

“She's gone. Been gone for ages. They split up right after you left. That's why the grass out front started growing again.""He's got a new girlfriend?" she said quietly. "Thank god. You must be happy.""Yeah. He does. It's a relief. She's a lot nicer. But then, your average angry snake is nicer than Fiona. I'm sure she's happier wherever she is now, burning orphans or whatever she does with her time.”