“I am running a bit late. But all right, if I’m going to be late, I should be at least thirty minutes late. There’s something small-minded about running just five minutes late, don’t you think?”

“Five minutes ago it was five minutes late, and my watch is five minutes slow.”

“You are thirty minutes late.""Yes.""Would you be thirty minutes late to a wedding or a funeral?""No.""Why not, pray tell?""Well, if the funeral was mine I'd have to be on time. If the wedding was mine it would be my funeral.”

“Rather than arriving five hours late and flustered, it would be better all around if he were to arrive five hours and a few extra minutes late, but triumphantly in command.”

“Mr. Ryan was going to have my ass. I was twenty minutes late. As I experienced this morning, he hated late. "Late" was a word not found in the Bennett Ryan Dickhead Dictionary. Along with "heart," "kindness," "compassion," "lunch break," or "thank you.”

“If a clock represented a pie chart, then I just ate a slice of apple pie so large it represents 33 minutes. That means I’m three minutes late for dinner!”