“If the monkey really wanted to get the weasel, he would’ve stopped wasting time and burned down the mulberry bush.”

“Spies have years of training and experience. I had half an hour of panic and a pig.”

“It is called middle school and it’s the most fiendish, torturous, and horrible place ever conceived in the darkest corner of man’s mind.”

“It seemed to him that anyone with any trouble at all eventually found his way to a city library, and the really troubled ones became regulars.”

“Strangers take a long time to become acquainted, particularly when they are from the same family.”

“When I get nervous, I go to the library and hang around. The libraries are filled with people who are nervous. You can blend in with them there. You're bound to see someone more nervous than you are in a library. Sometimes the librarians themselves are more nervous than you are. I'll probably be a librarian for that reason. Then if I'm nervous on the job, it won't show. I'll just stamp books and look things up for people and run back and forth to the staff room sneaking smokes until I get hold of myself. A library is a great place to hid.”

“Ruining people. I love the way the phrase rolls around on my tongue and inside my mouth. Ruining people is delicious. We're all hungry, empaths and sociopaths. We want to consume.”