“i want to pull very long, multi-colored strings out of my brain and place them next to a bowl of doritos at a party”

“i want to go to the gymand pretend the weight machines are drumsand play the longest drum solo on them”

“i want to fall backwards into a pit of bioluminescent pokémon”

“i want to interrupt a game of magic the gathering by busting through a wall on a motorcycle”

“i wish i had 15-20 cats that would serve as a blanket, like if i moved they would adjust to my new position, that would be good”

“For about four years, I’ve been telling people I hate sour cream. One time I sent back nachos because they had sour cream on them. I started saying this because a friend I admire hates sour cream. I told him I hated it too so we could have a funny thing in common.”

“i could never be a sports writer, unless my assignment was to write 'sports sports sports sports sports' for three pages”