“i wish cats could float around your head”

“i wish i had 15-20 cats that would serve as a blanket, like if i moved they would adjust to my new position, that would be good”

“i could never be a sports writer, unless my assignment was to write 'sports sports sports sports sports' for three pages”

“For about four years, I’ve been telling people I hate sour cream. One time I sent back nachos because they had sour cream on them. I started saying this because a friend I admire hates sour cream. I told him I hated it too so we could have a funny thing in common.”

“Feel completely unable to do anything. Try to picture your life in five years. It really seems like you will be dead.”

“If someone asks me where I bought something I’m wearing, I will usually say I don’t remember.”

“i want to fall backwards into a pit of bioluminescent pokémon”