“Our society has tried to make death invisible, thinking that if we ignore it long enough it will go away. Often we as family and loved ones are so afraid of death that even mentioning the word to terminal patients is taboo. We think the dying are oblivious to what is happening to them. Sadly, a dying person frequently feels afraid to bring it up him or herself. When I enter a hospital room I often hear a sigh of relief. At last, someone is here to help the family come to terms with what is playing out before them. Death has too long been the elephant in the living room, while everyone awkwardly discusses the weather.”

“I realize that sometimes death comes before you expect it. That while we are rarely prepared for our friends, family and loved ones to die, we are never prepared for our own deaths. Never prepared to reconcile our own regrets.”

“And that is how the problems were always fixed. Fix them on the surface but don't go to the root, always ignoring the elephant in the room. I think that morning was when I realized I'd grown up with an elephant in every room. It was practically our family pet.”

“I hear you." Angry words get louder when people do not listen. When a person is ill and dying, it seems as if no one understands what is happening. People are busy doing what is required for physical caretaking, but very often the inner needs of the person are ignored. Even if the dying person makes no sense, which is often the case, knowing that someone hears the words, and the feelings behind the words, and is responding, makes all the difference.”

“But will somebody please tell me what's a person to do when they're too afraid of life to live and too afraid of death to die?”

“There is a moment when the body is about to cease its natural functions, when it is important to accept that death is happening and to begin to let go, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I have learned the signs when something is preventing this from happening. Perhaps the family or friends cannot accept that the loved one is dying. Perhaps there are some things the dying person has not reconciled - inside herself or with other people. Often there is fear of the physical act of dying.”