“If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively.”

“Look, I really don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive, you've got to flap your arms and legs, you got to jump around a lot, you got to make a lot of noise, because life is the very opposite of death. And therefore, as I see it, if you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy, or at least your thoughts should be noisy, colorful and lively.”

“They make us live in the crap, and now they're taking the crap away? No! ”

“Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.”

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”

“I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.”

“The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.”