“What was that you were saying about my mother?""She likes big dicks." Deacon slammed him hard in the gut, knocking him to the floor. "So does your wife.”

“But then you slammed a door handle into my gut. And when a girl does that to a guy; it means she likes him.”

“That was the goth stage, where I decided I'd never get the girl of my dreams because of my scars. Not to mention my hairstyle. (pause) But then she slammed a door handle into my gut. And when a girl does that to a boy, it means she likes him.”

“Normally this is where she would have told him to put his dick in the doorway, so she could slam the door shut on her way out”

“His father is out cutting wood, so he goes to his mother.'Mother, I must away and see the world, or I shall go mad.'Says his mother, 'If you must go, go you must, and God go with you! I will bake you a cake. Will you have a little cake with my blessing, or a big cake with my cursing?'Says Jack, 'Make me a big cake, mother. It will last longer.'His mother makes him a big cake, and he sets out. And she is standing on the roof of the house, calling curses after him as far as she can see him.”

“She really does like him, she likes lying next to him, she wants to be around him; when you get down to it, can you say that about many people?”