“Well, there's two kinds of peeing...There's regular peeing, because you have to pee. And then there's auxiliary competitive peeing. For acquiring empire. I'm all about the real estate.”

“Why do you always come in to kiss me while I'm on the toilet?" I asked."Makes us feel close to you," Chuck said, surprised I would ask. "Peeing is one of the special things we share.”

“Though it seems like time itself moves more slowly when you're in the presence of people who actually see and hear you. There's a certain weight to a moment that never comes when you feel invisible.”

“Maybe this is kind of cliche, but animals, well, dogs, are what I do for a living. One reason I like spending time with them so much is they seem to think people are really good. They live with us, and obey our rules, most of which make no sense to them. And the main reason they do it is because they like us. When I watch them, sometimes I'm so blow away by how enthusiastic they are about everything we do that I have to go out and buy them something squeaky or chewy. Just because I love proving to them that it's not a mistake to see the world as a great benevolent place. I hope one day to react to something with as much pure ecstasy as I see in Chuck's face every time I throw the ball. Sometimes he looks so happy, it reminds me of the way blind people smile way too big because they can't see themselves. And if none of this links to anything in you, well... I think you don't know who I am.”

“Once you get into it, it's all you can think about. Look, I know you don't trust my judgment because I eat cat shit. Someday I'll explain that to you. But right now do what I say. Just pick up the ball and throw it.”

“Well, I don't use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate. ”

“I'm clear with all my bitches...I hump her till she bites me. Then it's adios bitches, time for BALL.”